Thursday, February 2, 2012
the ballad of "what if..."
I'm that girl that's always been interested in the concept of "what if..."
I don't view it as a tool for discouragement, as it is commonly seen, but rather just as a bud for my curious mind. I can't help but be fascinated by the thought that our current state totally is contingent on one moment, one thing, one person from the past at all times. That's a mind-blowing concept to consider, right? Take, for example, the phrase "the one that got away." What if they hadn't have gotten away? How would your life be right now? Would it be infinitely better? Would it be terribly worse? Regardless, we can all acknowledge that life, at this moment, would not be the same.
My mind just likes to wonder about these things. I create story lines, and images in my mind that are figured around these fantasies simply to satisfy my curiosity. But it's amazing. That is, to live in this very moment. You had a bad day? What if that one person had looked at you differently, and it changed everything? What if you chose to look at that one person differently, and changed their everything? I guess in the end it's just that amazing to me how our very existence depends on every single moment of every single life.
I don't find it right to look at the past with regret. No, not one bit. But I do find it alright to look at the past filled with "what if's" because it plays such an important role in realizing where you are and who you are right now. As for me, my right now is an interesting concoction of equal parts content and chaos. Every day, every decision, every thought (may they be good or bad) has led me here, and I guess that's pretty profound to consider. At least it is to me.
So sorry if this sounds a little ridiculous. It's currently 3am here in Alabama, and my alarm is set to wake me up in just two hours so I can "study" before my 8am class. College makes one do strange things, such as muse on about a phrase for much too long after her bedtime...